“The night is dark and full of sorrow. My heart keeps beating but it’s hollow. Once upon a time, the story was fine. There’s no happy ending in this tale of mine.
A flower needs water and air but what will happen when you tear it away. Once full of life and colors,poor thing is dying cause you needed flowers.
Is this what makes you happy? The world is blind for your tears. Your mind is full of things crappy. That’s why you had to leave me with all of your fears.
The night is young and full of ghosts. The flower is dead but that’s not the worst. Your eyes are empty but so is your grave. My hands are shaking cause I need to be brave.”
I wrote this after what happened to me. It made me feel better, lighter. Now I want to share it with you. I hope my story helps you feel better, lighter.
This Monday I don’t have a recipe for you. At least not a food recipe. What I have is a story, some food for your thoughts. With the recent events happening in the UK, all the news and social media talking about it, I couldn’t just sit and stay quiet. I feel like it’s time to share my story and my experience with being vulnerable.
If you’re not from the UK, or you haven’t seen the news, you might not know what I’m talking about. I don’t want to get into too much details because it’s not my story to tell but basically few days ago there was another beautiful flower who died by the evil hands of a man. This event started a fire into the most female hearts and now everyone is fighting their own fight but together as one.
There’s no need for me to tell you for how long women are being harassed, tortured or even killed by men. I think you already know the answer. I just wanted to be open and share my experience with being harassed and maybe helping someone in need.
It happened around 5 years ago. I just moved to London few months before the event. One night. Late night. I don’t remember the time. I was going home with the bus after a fun night out with couple of friends. I was alone. Or so I thought.
Was it my fault that I was drunk? Maybe. Was it my fault that I didn’t have money for a taxi? Maybe. But it was definitely my fault that I woke you up with my screams in the darkness.
As I was going out of the bus, feeling sick, I felt a hand on my back. I had to stop and vomit next to the bus stop. I had to try and get rid of the hand touching my back.
Did I know it was the evil hand of a giant black man? No. Did I want it to be a caring hand in need? Definitely yes.
As I was trying to walk home, the giant man became my shadow. Did I see the entrance of an empty park? No. Did I see the hand pushing me into the darkness? Definitely no.
We dived into the clouds of darkness and I couldn’t see a thing. Was it because I was drunk? Maybe. Did it matter? No!
I felt the giant arm around me, trying to shut my mouth while I was screaming for help. I felt the dirty hand touching my body. Touching my scared soul. I felt the nasty hand of a pathetic man trying to break my flower. In this moment there was only one thing on my mind: “Don’t stop walking!”
You see, I couldn’t run because I was drunk. Or because of the enormous arm around me. Or both. But I never stopped walking. I just knew that if I stop, it’s gonna be the end of something.
So I just kept walking trying to get rid of the arm around me, suffocating me like a hungry snake. I knew I had to find someone to help me. I knew I had to find the way back home.
Just when I thought this darkness is never ending, I found the exit of the park and I saw a light in the dark. Street lights. I was on the right way.
Somehow the light scared my predator and he loosened up his grip around me so I got away. Or maybe he got scared by the other man coming in front of us? Or maybe they were friends? I will never know what happened exactly that made him doubt himself but I’m forever grateful for that.
As I got away from him, I saw more street lights and I recognised the place. I was on the right way. Something gave me strength and I started running. I felt free. Just kept running. Free. Away from him. Away from them.
It’s needless to say that the next day, the next month, the next year, I was scared. I was scared to walk alone, to use the bus, to visit a park. Everything reminded me of this event.
Fortunately, the police found the evil man and actually he turned out to be a 16 years old kid that got 2 years into young offenders institution for sexual harassment. Shame he didn’t have 18.
Am I happy with the sentence? No. Do I still think about it? Yes. Is it ever going to leave me? No. But did I learn valuable lessons? Yes.
You’re worth it!
You’re not alone!
Not all men are evil!
This was my story. But it’s not my life. I found a man that respects me and values me as a person and I’m a happy mommy of a beautiful baby girl. And one day when she’s old enough, I’m gonna send her to a self defense class. Because this world is a wild world. And only you can save yourself.
Sometimes when I feel down, I like to remind myself a quote from Harry Potter, said by Dumbledore: “ Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times. If one only remembers to turn on the light.” Magical words – helped me a lot with the pain.
If something bad happened to you, don’t forget to talk with your friends and family about it. And most important, don’t forget to report it. You can prevent something bad happening to someone else. If you feel like you can’t talk about it, give yourself some time but eventually let it out. You need to feel free from this burden.